π¨ Hi, who just joined?
elevated error rates & existential dread
elevated error rates &
elevated error rates &
elevated error rates &
elevated error rates
In the ancient ritual of incident management, we gather in digital war rooms to chant the sacred mantras while our systems burn around us. "Hi, who just joined?" becomes the greeting that haunts our dreams.
π The Cast of Characters
The Incident Commander
Frantically trying to appear calm while everything burns
The Person Who Just Joined
"Hi, who just joined? Can someone give me a quick summary?"
The Expert Who's On Vacation
"Sorry, I'm in airplane mode, what's the issue?"
The Person Who Caused It
Suspiciously quiet in the channel
"Can everyone please mute except the incident commander?"
β Last words before chaos erupts in voice chat
π₯ Incident Management Fun Facts
- The first rule of incident management: someone will always join and ask for a summary
- The second rule: that someone is usually a manager
- "Elevated error rates" is the grown-up way of saying "everything is broken"
- Every incident starts with "it was working yesterday"
- The severity is always inversely proportional to how prepared you are
- Post-mortems are where we pretend we've learned from our mistakes
- The real incident was the friends we stressed out along the way
π Typical Incident Timeline
T-0: "Has anyone noticed elevated error rates?"
T+5min: "Hi, who just joined?"
T+10min: "Let me get the expert on the call"
T+15min: "The expert is unreachable"
T+30min: "Have we tried turning it off and on again?"
T+45min: "It just started working again"
T+60min: "Let's schedule a post-mortem"
