Ops - here, hold this.

production-firefighting.sh

$ cap production extinguish

$ fab -H production extinguish

$ ansible production -m command extinguish

$ for host in $(cat ~/production) ; do \

ssh ${host} "sudo production" ; done

ERROR: Permission denied (publickey)

FATAL: Could not connect to host

Connection refused

Operations: where we turn caffeine into uptime, and occasionally turn uptime back into caffeine. "Here, hold this" are the three most dangerous words in any datacenter.

🛠️ The Evolution of Ops Tools

Stone Age (2000s)

Manual SSH into every server, screen sessions, and prayer

Bronze Age (2010s)

Capistrano, Fabric, and the illusion of automation

Iron Age (2015+)

Ansible, Terraform, and containers everywhere

Information Age (Now)

Kubernetes, service mesh, and nobody knows how anything works

"The cloud is just someone else's computer catching fire."
— Ancient Ops Wisdom

🔥 Ops Fun Facts

"Here, hold this" translates to "congratulations, you're now responsible for production"
Every ops tool promises to be the last ops tool you'll ever need
Automation just means the servers break faster and more consistently
The best backup is the one you've never tested
"It works on my laptop" is the new "it works on my machine"
SSH keys are the new passwords (except when they're not)
Every outage teaches us that our monitoring was insufficient

⚙️ The Ops Philosophy

In ops, we don't just manage servers - we manage expectations. The expectation that things will break, that backups will fail, and that the one person who knows how the legacy system works is always on vacation.

We are the guardians of production, the keepers of the flame, and the ones who get called at 3 AM when that flame becomes an inferno.

🚨 Universal Troubleshooting Steps

Check if it's plugged in
Check if DNS is working
Blame the network team
Check if the disk is full
Restart the service
Restart the server
Update your resume

⚙️ here, hold this.